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You May Be a Writer

by Ane Mulligan

Someone recently asked me how I knew I was a writer. I gave her the usual answers about a story taking over my mind … forget that … taking over my life until it’s told. I also had to admit all my really good friends are imaginary, at least the ones who still talk to me.

I talk fast, I eat fast, I walk fast. I even work fast. But when I slow down to think on the page, I engage in discovery. And that’s why I know I’m a writer-because I’m addicted to the discovery.

I queried some other writers and these are their answers:

You might be a writer if …

… chocolate and coffee are two of the four major food groups in your diet.

… when you tell the hubs you’re excited because your character told you a secret that pulled your whole story together, he looks at you with some doubt and says, “You do realize these people are imaginary, right?”

… you can’t resist pointing out grammatical errors on news stations’ scrolling bar.

… you collect pens with the professional eye of a museum curator.

… you’re perfectly happy alone in a room with only your characters for conversation.

… when you’re in a department store, you know exactly the pair of shoes your character would choose but have no clue what your spouse (or eldest child for that matter) would prefer.

… your spouse says she/he will strangle you if one more time during a movie you whisper, “That was in the end of the first act.”

… in a house fire, you’d save first your computer, your copy of the Flip Dictionary and the Writer’s Market Guide, before your grandmother’s jewelry.

… during church sermons, you find yourself thinking, “This could be tighter.”

… you can’t balance a checkbook, but your submissions log is cross referenced and goes back to 2003.

… you decide by the end of the first page of a novel that the author didn’t have an editor.

… when your husband suggests a world cruise, before you agree you first ask, “Is there Internet access?”

… when you travel, you take one small suitcase for clothes and one large one for books and/or muse ticklers you find during your stay.

… in case of electrical outage, you have a stash of pencils, notepads, four flashlights, and extra batteries.

… your answering machine says, “Hi, I’m not here right now. Please leave a query and the synopsis of your proposed message. I’ll let you know whether to call back.”

… when you nail a sentence, you’re pretty sure you know how Moses felt when he parted the Red Sea.

Ane Mulligan FacebookjpgAne Mulligan writes Southern-fried fiction served with a tall, sweet iced tea. She’s a novelist, playwright, and humor columnist. Her debut book, Chapel Springs Revival, comes out in 2014. She lives in Suwanee, GA, with her husband and two very large dogs.

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9 Responses to You May Be a Writer

  1. Oh, this is so good! Thank you! Made me smile.

  2. Linda Yezak says:

    Ha! That’s a riot, Ane! Guess it means I’m a writer, except I’d leave my Writer’s Market Guide behind in favor of my Emotion Thesaurus.

    Thanks for the giggle!

  3. I laughed so hard I almost wet myself and then it was like, “Wait! That describes me too!” *Sigh* I guess we border on schizo or as the kids would say…well…never mind wha the kids would say :-( The life of a writer!

  4. Ane Mulligan says:

    I’m glad y’all got a giggle out of these. Sadly, they’re all true. LOL What does that say?

  5. Grace Olson says:

    I definitely can identify with these! My favorite? “…when you nail a sentence, you?re pretty sure you know how Moses felt when he parted the Red Sea.”

  6. Wayne Groner says:

    Those are fun, Ane. Please tell us who said them.

  7. Great job, Ane. We writers are unique, huh?

  8. Great post! I actually recognised myself in quite a few of these (the first one especially).