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You May Be a Writer

by Ane Mulligan

Someone recently asked me how I knew I was a writer. I gave her the usual answers about a story taking over my mind … forget that … taking over my life until it’s told. I also had to admit all my really good friends are imaginary, at least the ones who still talk to me.

I talk fast, I eat fast, I walk fast. I even work fast. But when I slow down to think on the page, I engage in discovery. And that’s why I know I’m a writer-because I’m addicted to the discovery.

I queried some other writers and these are their answers:

You might be a writer if …

… chocolate and coffee are two of the four major food groups in your diet.

… when you tell the hubs you’re excited because your character told you a secret that pulled your whole story together, he looks at you with some doubt and says, “You do realize these people are imaginary, right?”

… you can’t resist pointing out grammatical errors on news stations’ scrolling bar.

… you collect pens with the professional eye of a museum curator.

… you’re perfectly happy alone in a room with only your characters for conversation.

… when you’re in a department store, you know exactly the pair of shoes your character would choose but have no clue what your spouse (or eldest child for that matter) would prefer.

… your spouse says she/he will strangle you if one more time during a movie you whisper, “That was in the end of the first act.”

… in a house fire, you’d save first your computer, your copy of the Flip Dictionary and the Writer’s Market Guide, before your grandmother’s jewelry.

… during church sermons, you find yourself thinking, “This could be tighter.”

… you can’t balance a checkbook, but your submissions log is cross referenced and goes back to 2003.

… you decide by the end of the first page of a novel that the author didn’t have an editor.

… when your husband suggests a world cruise, before you agree you first ask, “Is there Internet access?”

… when you travel, you take one small suitcase for clothes and one large one for books and/or muse ticklers you find during your stay.

… in case of electrical outage, you have a stash of pencils, notepads, four flashlights, and extra batteries.

… your answering machine says, “Hi, I’m not here right now. Please leave a query and the synopsis of your proposed message. I’ll let you know whether to call back.”

… when you nail a sentence, you’re pretty sure you know how Moses felt when he parted the Red Sea.

Ane Mulligan FacebookjpgAne Mulligan writes Southern-fried fiction served with a tall, sweet iced tea. She’s a novelist, playwright, and humor columnist. Her debut book, Chapel Springs Revival, comes out in 2014. She lives in Suwanee, GA, with her husband and two very large dogs.

This entry was posted in Advice, Authors and writing, Encouragement, Friends of ACFW. Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to You May Be a Writer

  1. Oh, this is so good! Thank you! Made me smile.

  2. Linda Yezak says:

    Ha! That’s a riot, Ane! Guess it means I’m a writer, except I’d leave my Writer’s Market Guide behind in favor of my Emotion Thesaurus.

    Thanks for the giggle!

  3. I laughed so hard I almost wet myself and then it was like, “Wait! That describes me too!” *Sigh* I guess we border on schizo or as the kids would say…well…never mind wha the kids would say 🙁 The life of a writer!

  4. Ane Mulligan says:

    I’m glad y’all got a giggle out of these. Sadly, they’re all true. LOL What does that say?

  5. Grace Olson says:

    I definitely can identify with these! My favorite? “…when you nail a sentence, you?re pretty sure you know how Moses felt when he parted the Red Sea.”

  6. Wayne Groner says:

    Those are fun, Ane. Please tell us who said them.

  7. Great job, Ane. We writers are unique, huh?

  8. Great post! I actually recognised myself in quite a few of these (the first one especially).